Best Friends
As a square peg in a round hole I found it difficult to make friends as a kid. Other children found my weirdness, my outspokenness and my non-conformity disconcerting and avoided me as a result. As I’ve aged and come to know and accept myself more I’ve sought out other folk with a similar mindset. “Soort soek soort”, as they say.
But as you can imagine having a “best” friend was nigh on impossible. No-one wanted to get that close to me! Grin! In fact, I can almost count my best friends in life on one hand – but five of them stand out in a big way. Here’s my story:
My first best friend was a girl who had been in my class since Grade 1. We appeared to have quite a lot in common and played together at break times. When I was old enough I was allowed to go on play dates to her house after school on a Friday. By the time I was 9 my Mom let me go on sleepovers to her house. That’s where the trouble started. She made me participate in things that made me feel so uncomfortable that eventually I realised that the only way I could “escape” was to break our friendship and I spent pretty much the rest of primary school and high school ignoring her. It was only some years later that I realised that she’d been trying to force me to perform sexual lesbian acts. Now homophobic I am not but at the same time neither am I lesbian.
I was very lonely at school for a long time after that. In fact it was only just before leaving primary school that my next “best friend” and I were forced together. I don’t mean that in a bad way .... it was just that neither she nor I had any friends. She was new in school and had no friends, I was old in school and had no friends. Enough said. We didn’t have a huge amount in common. She was a tiny Chinese girl and I think that she just enjoyed the fact that, with me being quite a big girl (I did most of my growing in primary school), I carried her, or her bag, or her and her bag around. She barely walked anywhere at school. I was just grateful to have someone to hang around with. We left to attend different high schools and gradually lost contact. I saw her some years later and we really didn’t have anything to talk about. I wonder how many folk are friends just because there is no-one else to be friends with.
In mid-high school I met a girl that instantly became my best friend. She played the flute and I played the guitar and piano and we would play music for hours on end – sometimes even composing our own stuff. We fancied the same boys, which sometimes caused a little friction but past the music and the boys the similarity stopped. She was introverted and blushed for no reason, I was a loud and unruly prankster but we really, truly got on. You’ll read of folks that sit for hours not talking but spending good quality time together – that was us. On Friday afternoons we would take turns walking to each other’s house – probably a distance of about 5 or 6 kilometres and then we would just visit. Sometimes we’d play music, sometimes we’d chat about nothing and everything, sometimes we’d just sit reading books. We even had nicknames for each other. We didn’t see each other much at school because she was a grade above me and we had separate school interests. And then one day my Mom told me that I was, under no circumstances, allowed to ever see her again. I was devastated. WHY? But no reason was forthcoming. The next day at school I told my friend what my Mom had said. We cried that day, she and I, but we left off our friendship then and there. Oh, the pain of loss especially when we’d see each other on the odd occasion at school. As a young adult my Mom eventually explained to me that my Dad had thought that possibly my friend and I were involved in a lesbian relationship. Really!!! Where was he when I was 9 !?!?!?!?!? I think often of my ex-friend. I’d love to find her, even if just to explain, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Many, MANY years later I met another musician – this time a fella. A hooligan of note. By this time I was more in touch with myself as a human and understood who I was. So did this fella. We clicked immediately. We partied up a storm and just generally terrorised anyone and everyone around us. And yes, actually we were just friends. We drank together, smoked together, skinny dipped together (even bathed together once), played music together, watched movies together, went to the cricket together. And the best thing of all was that he got on really well with my husband and neither of them felt in any way threatened by each other’s relationship with me. Sadly we drifted apart ... not his fault, not mine. Life happens and sometimes people get in the way. He married and moved away, I married and stayed here. Life’s funny that way. The time we had together was very real and extremely special and I miss the fun we had.
And to leave the best for last: my current best friend and I also met totally by chance. We have nothing in common: he’s older and shy and logical and is incredibly clever with a massive IQ and a phenomenal memory. I’m younger and outgoing and impulsive with a memory like a sieve. But on the other hand we have everything in common: we play music together, share a love of animals and the outdoors and good food, love constantly learning and growing, and the most important? We make each other laugh. We’d known each other for eight months when we fell in love and out of that love grew the strongest bond of friendship. Yes, my gorgeous husband, whom I adore, is indeed my best friend ever.
But as you can imagine having a “best” friend was nigh on impossible. No-one wanted to get that close to me! Grin! In fact, I can almost count my best friends in life on one hand – but five of them stand out in a big way. Here’s my story:
My first best friend was a girl who had been in my class since Grade 1. We appeared to have quite a lot in common and played together at break times. When I was old enough I was allowed to go on play dates to her house after school on a Friday. By the time I was 9 my Mom let me go on sleepovers to her house. That’s where the trouble started. She made me participate in things that made me feel so uncomfortable that eventually I realised that the only way I could “escape” was to break our friendship and I spent pretty much the rest of primary school and high school ignoring her. It was only some years later that I realised that she’d been trying to force me to perform sexual lesbian acts. Now homophobic I am not but at the same time neither am I lesbian.
I was very lonely at school for a long time after that. In fact it was only just before leaving primary school that my next “best friend” and I were forced together. I don’t mean that in a bad way .... it was just that neither she nor I had any friends. She was new in school and had no friends, I was old in school and had no friends. Enough said. We didn’t have a huge amount in common. She was a tiny Chinese girl and I think that she just enjoyed the fact that, with me being quite a big girl (I did most of my growing in primary school), I carried her, or her bag, or her and her bag around. She barely walked anywhere at school. I was just grateful to have someone to hang around with. We left to attend different high schools and gradually lost contact. I saw her some years later and we really didn’t have anything to talk about. I wonder how many folk are friends just because there is no-one else to be friends with.
In mid-high school I met a girl that instantly became my best friend. She played the flute and I played the guitar and piano and we would play music for hours on end – sometimes even composing our own stuff. We fancied the same boys, which sometimes caused a little friction but past the music and the boys the similarity stopped. She was introverted and blushed for no reason, I was a loud and unruly prankster but we really, truly got on. You’ll read of folks that sit for hours not talking but spending good quality time together – that was us. On Friday afternoons we would take turns walking to each other’s house – probably a distance of about 5 or 6 kilometres and then we would just visit. Sometimes we’d play music, sometimes we’d chat about nothing and everything, sometimes we’d just sit reading books. We even had nicknames for each other. We didn’t see each other much at school because she was a grade above me and we had separate school interests. And then one day my Mom told me that I was, under no circumstances, allowed to ever see her again. I was devastated. WHY? But no reason was forthcoming. The next day at school I told my friend what my Mom had said. We cried that day, she and I, but we left off our friendship then and there. Oh, the pain of loss especially when we’d see each other on the odd occasion at school. As a young adult my Mom eventually explained to me that my Dad had thought that possibly my friend and I were involved in a lesbian relationship. Really!!! Where was he when I was 9 !?!?!?!?!? I think often of my ex-friend. I’d love to find her, even if just to explain, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Many, MANY years later I met another musician – this time a fella. A hooligan of note. By this time I was more in touch with myself as a human and understood who I was. So did this fella. We clicked immediately. We partied up a storm and just generally terrorised anyone and everyone around us. And yes, actually we were just friends. We drank together, smoked together, skinny dipped together (even bathed together once), played music together, watched movies together, went to the cricket together. And the best thing of all was that he got on really well with my husband and neither of them felt in any way threatened by each other’s relationship with me. Sadly we drifted apart ... not his fault, not mine. Life happens and sometimes people get in the way. He married and moved away, I married and stayed here. Life’s funny that way. The time we had together was very real and extremely special and I miss the fun we had.
And to leave the best for last: my current best friend and I also met totally by chance. We have nothing in common: he’s older and shy and logical and is incredibly clever with a massive IQ and a phenomenal memory. I’m younger and outgoing and impulsive with a memory like a sieve. But on the other hand we have everything in common: we play music together, share a love of animals and the outdoors and good food, love constantly learning and growing, and the most important? We make each other laugh. We’d known each other for eight months when we fell in love and out of that love grew the strongest bond of friendship. Yes, my gorgeous husband, whom I adore, is indeed my best friend ever.
Comments
Post a Comment