Journey

It had been a very long, very dark valley that she had travelled through.  Sometimes the path was smooth, sometimes narrow, often steep.  Littered with all manner of obstacles from loose pebbles and sharp rocks to gargantuan boulders with slippery sides.  And the branches that slapped against her always seemed wet.

 

From time to time she was required to climb over massive obstructions or leap down into unknown darkness.  Each step or leap required some form of confrontation either of her previous self or of her current self.  There were times when she had to allow her future self to push her gently from her comfortable ledge.

 

The valley had been lined with pictures and photos.  Some were pleasant and helped to keep her going forwards, some threw guilt in her face, others projected hatred.  Worse than these, were the mirrors.  A few of the mirrors were smoky and not clear requiring her to peer, squinting her eyes, to see the reflection.  Some of the mirrors were clear, too clear, and lit up like backstage mirrors.  Those mirrors she shied away from.  She wasn’t ready to face herself.

 

Occasionally it rained.  Anything from pelting angry drops that stung her face to soft soaking rain that hid her tears.  The tears became more frequent and easier to cry as she travelled.  Eventually she hated that the tears were often just below the surface and ready to erupt without much provocation.

 

For most of the journey there were voices shouting down into the valley.  Most were the voices of beloved friends and family encouraging her, sometimes teasing her to make her smile.  Now and then there were no words in the voices, just pure, comforting love.  Those days she perceived a little sunshine.

 

A lot of the voices were accusing, hating, jarring her with physical pain making her question whether her path should continue forward or whether she should head back to familiarity.

 

But on some days, a lot of days, there were no voices.  The pain would become gut-wrenching.  These were the days that her path was barred by a clear, stark mirror.  And she had to face herself with questions that were often left unanswered and with doubts that were so palpable they left her breathless.  At these times she had to use her own voice in order to make herself stand up and move forward.

 

This valley, this journey, this lesson is hard.  It hurts!  It has almost been unbearable.  Almost, but not completely.

 

One day I realised that there were less hurdles.  The path is still strewn with a few problems and questions but I can deal with them.  The air around me seems lighter, less dense.  And the sun is less perceived and a lot more visible.

 

I know that with enough determination I can start the climb out of the valley.  Although I know this will not be easy I know that it will be worth the effort.  I also know that the Lynda climbing out of the valley and back into the sunshine will be a very different person to the girl who entered it.

 

And so I sigh and then smile, gather up my skirts, lift my chin and begin the long trek to the top.